All parents wonder from time to time whether they should be concerned about their child's noncompliance and defiance. It's a difficult call. Some level of noncompliance and even defiance is normal, particularly during the "terrible twos." Learning to oppose the will of others is, under certain circumstances, even healthy. The problem is when the terrible twos continue on and on, and the amount of noncompliance and level of defiance increases. If this describes your child, there is reason for concern.
Your concern probably prompts you to ask, "Is it time to take action? Do I need to do something, maybe even something pretty drastic, to end my child's noncompliance and defiance?" Possibly. If your child is 3 years old or older, ask these questions:
1. Does my child frequently provoke other people?
2. Does my child intentionally defy me?
3. Does my child maliciously antagonize and fight with his or her siblings?
4. Does my child throw a temper tantrum when he doesn't get his way? 5. Do I let my child get away with things so I can have some peace and quiet?
If you answered yes to two or more of these questions, it is time for action. Children who are noncompliant and defiant at an early age seldom out- grow it. Their outbursts, noncompliance, and defiance increase, to the point that the child is disrupting the entire household and stressing your marriage. Furthermore, such children have problems at school and else- where in the community. You must act.
But what to do? Some "experts" say that a child's defiant behaviours is deliberate, Believing this, these experts tell parents that what the child needs is a healthy dose of firm discipline. One parent told me of a conversation with such a counsellor.
We are indebted to friends and colleagues who read early drafts of this book. They made valuable suggestions and contributions that enhanced the book's readability. In particular, we would like to thank Fay Jackman for editing the first draft of this book and helping to put the manuscript in a form that drew the attention of several publishing companies. We also thank Dr. Tom Stanage, an uncommonly gifted clinical psychologist, who made suggestions and offered advice that helped us better address the concerns and worries of parents. In addition, Dan Mayer, Shawn Huss, and Terry Tucker read particular chapters and gave us sound advice.
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